Mothers & Daughters

I'm not talking about mothers & daughters actually but rather about mothers in law & daughters in law!
There are enough comic references about the relationship between the two to fill volumes & enough drama for 30 Ramadan series but neither comedy nor drama is what I'm writing about, it is a simple fact that a lot over look, they both share the same, deeply routed, love to the same man...

The fact that escapes a lot of people is that this is not a love which can be subject to jealousy, the differences, the reasoning and the motives are so profoundly different between the two that you can never compete, not to mention compare, for that love.

A friend of mine once told me, "How can I not adore, to say the least, the woman that shaped the person I love to the man that he is today?" That was a food for thoughts, how many of us today think of the person that we're with as the product of some seriously hard work by his parents; at least a big portion of him/her to say the least? Temporary blindness of where this person came from is unbelievable common among people stepping into a new relationship! It is more obvious with the women because they are more obsessed (forgive me ladies for the use of the word but I’m including myself here) with claiming credit for their sons’ and husbands’ achievements in life and that is where the Mother in Law and the Daughter in Law come face to face, seeking the position of the great woman behind the great man!

My friend talked about that as well, she simple stated an obvious which we can miss so easily "she has his past, I have his future, she made him the man he is today and I will shape the man he will be tomorrow, we complete each other's work as we complete each other's happiness"

I'm not that confidant, I hope that I can add to the happiness of a beloved one and his family. It is a bit of a challenge, trying to complete a puzzle that you only play a small role in but still, it is so rewarding being received with open arms and open hearts by people who are not tied to you in any way other than the shared love to one man. Because of that I think that my mother in law is a great person! She somehow misses my obvious flaws and my strange moods and always greats me with the brightest of hellos and sweetest of compliments. I haven’t spent a lot of time with her, but I know that we sometimes share a look of happiness, love and pride of the one we love; now that he’s away, I take comfort in talking to her as she does talking to me.

I wonder if all mothers in law are like that, and if so why the comedy and drama? Maybe I’m lucky, or maybe it’s not as interesting without the theatrical additions! What do you think?

Lots of talk about nothing...

I try to write as a way to occupy my mind but every time I try I’m just drawn back to the same subject, I’m always drawn back to a centre point in this space called my life, I’m pulled back to him!

Every word I’ve written was for his eyes more than anyone else’s, I know that this may sound ungrateful to all the friends who read this blog but I cannot lie nor do I want to, he untied my hands to start writing again after so many years of staying away from writing and I know that his eyes were always there to read, appreciate, correct and comment with the honesty that has been the corner stone of our relationship..

Now, he’s been away for days so long, and will stay away for weeks that carry in its days the cold icy grip of loneliness and sadness of the soul before the aching of the heart.

I’m writing away my heartache for the million little things that I miss telling him of, of the few big things that I’m used to sharing with him for so long. I write and for the first time my words are carried through a virtual space to a prolonged empty void that stretches before me before his return.

He joked before he left telling me to enjoy my time of freedom away from him, that this will be the last “holiday” that I will have of him before a lifetime of being together but how this holiday feels like a long, never ending night.

It’s cold, brutal and harsh to ask someone to live without a heart for so long, the pain is overpowering and the imbalance is dizzying.

I know that I sound to your, dear friends still reading these words, like a silly teenager whining for no good reason! Trust me, until last week I was, like what everyone around me thought, a strong independent person; alas, my balance was shaken by the lack of a voice over the phone that wished me good morning and good night for the past few years, my solidity has been weakened by the awareness that I can’t just turn to him if I needed to. It’s not living my life through him, it’s gaining strength from the knowledge that he’s there.

The silly child that turned a strong woman in the past 4 years has uncovered the truth of how much one person means to her. Strange, I knew how important he is to me but I never imagined the extent to be that far reaching…

Forgive my outpour dear reader, I needed a place to scream and this void seemed the best of places, an echo will reach him one day and I’ll be pulled back from the cold to the worm life again, till then I rest my head on a cold empty pillow that still holds his scent and wait for a tomorrow that seems a lifetime away…

Come fly with me

So after 3 years of avoiding Syrian Air in my numerous trips back home, I finally summoned my courage and booked my holiday on a Syrian Air flight.
I have to be honest; the only reason for flying with them was the price! I’ve already travelled twic to Syria this year (wonder why?!) and consumed my travelling & holiday allowance for 2007 and they really had a very good price, £290 rtn!

So came the day and after a nervous waiting at Heathrow with flights being cancelled left right and centre due to extremely heavy fog covering the airport we were finally allowed on the plan.

Now, I must tell you that the last time I flew SA, I ended up in a seat with a broken tray and behind a chair with a broken back in a plane full of crying babies and smelling of curry! Not at all an enjoyable flight at the time; so this time around, I was pleasantly surprised to see nice wide seats with decent legroom in the compact Boeing 747 I’m flying.

My luck was on a role, I landed a window seat with an empty one next to it and a nice heart consultant on the aisle…
Settling happily in my chair, I was feeling pretty upbeat till a horrible odour drifted towards me, I was a safe distance away from the loo so I couldn’t pinpoint a source until further scent analysis narrowed it down to bad breath (not something I can blame on SA).
Fiddling with the overhead air controls, I managed to create barrier of some kind thank God and I nestled contently in my seat until it was time for the famous, all too scary, meal time.

Beforehand, let me tell you that I’m not a picky person food wise, as my diet consists mainly of microwavable meals and takeaways, to the disgust of my parents and acceptance of my partner, nonetheless, there is a minimum level that airport/plane food has to reach for me to be able to consume. So you can understand that I had a dilemma in choosing to eat or not to eat on the plane and in the case of the former, which of the day’s two options would I go for!

By the time the trolley came by, I was already halfway though writing this blog and I felt that to be just in my assessment, I will have to try the food!
Gathering my courage and mastering the friendliest smile I have, I dared to ask the steward which was nicer, the meat or the chicken (ps: isn’t chicken meat as well?). The wondering surprised gaze I was given would take pages to describe, something neither you nor I have the time for. The reply that I received was even more mind boggling “how should I know?”
Met with that answer I quickly asked of the chicken (at least a defined meat) and prayed for safety!
Two pots of salad, 1 bun (men were being treated to 2!) a tab of butter and another of cheese and the mysterious main course wrapped up in foil.
I started with the salad (not bad, a bit too much mayo but at least fresh ingredients), 2nd in line was salad no 2, a shrimp cocktail thingy (nice, 1000 island souse and a lemon), so starters got an ok 6 out of 10!
Then came the main course, I was unwrapping the plate wondering if I will get the traditional rice, or be faced with the more hip (and potentially scary) pasta! Surprise, surprise it was neither! It was potato balls!! Next to it a breaded piece of chicken and some boiled vegetables (how unusual?!).
Reaching for the salt & pepper sachets, I realized that Syrian air is a caring carrier; they worry about their passengers’ health and knowing that the poor travellers’ blood pressure was probably sky-high by mealtime, they provide the smallest sachets ever, barely enough to give the impression of salt in the food!

A sigh, and I turn my attention the chicken swimming in oil residue, I ‘skinned’ it and made do without the soggy shell altogether! At the halfway mark through the chicken (2 bits later) I discovered a micro amount of cheese in the middle and was able to identify the mystery dish as chicken Kiev!!!

Didn’t even think of trying the dissert (a chocolate thing covered with dark syrup) and I waited for the drinks tray to come by to order a very large tea to help me survive my past ordeal.

Having ran out of things to reads and still having two hours of fly time, I reached out to the pocket in front of me and picked the various printouts there. In my hand were the safety instruction sheet and a promotional pamphlet about different things in Syria.

The safety sheet was your bog-standard one for an Airbus A320 so I put that aside and turned to the pamphlet intrigued to see what is being promoted to happy travellers to Syria! Well, restaurants, lots of restaurants which, after your meal, wont look so appetizing; shopping centres (a recent craze in Syria) and at the end, what I considered my personal cherry on top of the whole ‘fly Syrian Air experience’ cake, SA’s own version of a frequent flyer program! Oh, how I looked with parental pride at this new development by our flag carrier. Of course as a frequent traveller to Syria (as most people using SA) I was very interested until I realized that unless you travel 8 times a year or 4 times two years in a role you wont get anything of much value, at least nothing you wont be able to get if you know someone at the check in desk or at the company (maybe they should rename it to No-Wastah program?)

The one thing that stood up, the sugaring on top of the cherry on the cake was a one liner on the 2nd page detailing the program. Initially I thought that it was a translation error only to discover that it was written exactly the same in both Arabic and English!
So what was that shocked me so much? Well simply the fact that “as a silver card holder you are entitled to a free ticket a year that you can give to a family member, which include your parents, children and WIFE”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See, for Syrian air, there are no female frequent flyers, the idea is just inconceivable; or at least, a woman flying 8 times a year (or 4 times two years in a role) will, for sure, not have a husband to pass that extra ticket to! A woman will only be so pleased with getting one handout ticket a year from her husband!!

Aaaah, returning home never fails to remind me of how well regarded women are in my beloved Syria! But again, in the country of ‘Bab el Harah’ 1, 2 and 3 scheduled for next Ramadan, why should I be surprised?

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PS1:
For those of you wondering, the famous Syrian fly that is a specialty of Syrian airways did accompany us on the flight and is, according to accredited sources, a paid employee of SA and a member of the workers union there.

PS2:
If you’re flying SA, DO NOT take an aisle seat unless you’re willing to accept the risk of being burned by hot tea passed over your head without a trey and to put your hopes in the steady hand of the steward and the passengers next to you.

PS3:
You didn’t read wrong, nor did I go crazy, the safety page was for an Airbus A320 and we were flying a Boeing 747! For those of you who might wonder what’s the difference, well, the latter has 2 exists compared to 3 in the former to name one difference! I leave it to the more knowledgeable to detail further ones.
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Post PS:
I only used the word ‘Steward’ and not ‘Stewardess’ simply because it would be a more accurate description of the staff serving our beloved plane!

Home Sweet Home

Just a quick note to all of you to wish you a happy Eid. I'm spending these days back home so I can't access the blog properly and approving comments and posting new blogs isn't easy so forgive any delays and will be back once I'm in London again.

Salaam to all

SiL

In The Arms of The Angel

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel “not good enough�
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction, oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless, and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an Angel, fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of an Angel, far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

Waiting for deliverance

Some times I feel as if I’m living my life waiting for my life to begin! Waiting to get into college, waiting for college to finish, waiting to get a scholarship, looking forward to completing my degree; waiting to get a job, waiting to buy a house; waiting for love, longing for my life to begin…
A lot of people say that life is in the journey not the destination, that so many people wait their beginning to the grave and miss out on all that matters with their constant waiting and longing and I’ve always tried not to be one of those people; I tried to enjoy every moment and live every day but what can you do with a restless mind and an even more restless soul?
I wrote before about the pursuit of happiness, how you get one moment of joy and spend your life travelling from one peak to the other, eternally seeking the Holy Grail of earthly bliss, and I’m not going against what I’ve written there, I am extremely blessed to have someone I’m walking the road with but is it wrong to ask for more?
I’m writing this blog mostly for myself, I think I need to see my own thoughts in black and white so that I can extract some sense out of them. Why have I chosen such a public space to do so? Beats me, maybe I’m too scared of digging deep into my thoughts alone, or maybe, just maybe, someone out there would have the magic answer to my constant wondering

Tranquillity seems such a far reached dream....

Apocalypto 3 and final

So, if you've been following this blog over the past couple of weeks you would realise that an earlier blog I wrote have initiated a heated discussion between 2 distinguished Syrian bloggers, Syrian Brit and Abufares! Seeking an unbiased say and because they did hijack my initial blog in their discussion, they have turned to me, one with inferior knowledge of the over all topic of the film (the final days of the Mayan civilisation) and of the finer details that make or break a film...Faced with such a burden of a task I didn't have a choice but to buy the DVD and watch it, all 139m of it, and was left with a very mixed bag of reactions.Take the historical context of the film aside, the underlying story is one shared across civilisations and times, a young man seeking to return to his home, wife and family fighting against odds to save his loved one! In that the film, while in original Mayan has delivered exquisitely, the body language, the tone of voice and some superb acting by young Jaguar Paw's wife giving birth while trying to save her first born! The anxious look of a trapped victim when someone approaches their hiding place. The combination of camera work and stunning scenery has, for me, contributed to making this film click to some extent; unfortunately, it was only to some extent!!!Films that depict a certain period in human history are always bound to cause controversy, history as we all know is told by the winners and while I couldn't help but understand Syrian Brit's view about the touch of white supremacy in the end and the showing of how barbaric the Mayans were beforehand, I can't completely agree with him. The film is trying to be true to form and whether quoting National Geographic or Wikipedia, the practices shown in the film did happen, the use of religion as a tool to control the masses by striking the fear of God/Gods in them is prescribed throughout human history and to say that it happened in a less brutal way or it should not have been shown in that light doesn't change the fact that it did. In that regard I do apologies for my two good friends here since I wont be able to give you a final saying on that side of the film...So why the hell didn't I just say that in the first 3 lines and not drag on and one like this? well simply because watching the film, I was disturbed by something other than historical accuracy and hidden agendas in the film, what caused me to pause and take a deep breath (which I did a couple times watching the film) is the amount of gore that was shown in the film, if you consider that the film was rated as suitable for 18 and older audience only for the violence content within it, you would understand what I mean! You were asked to see the gushes of blood, be so engaged in the film that you feel you can even smell it and be caught by the spray flying about with each blow. I can understand the need to be realistic but what worries me is that we live at a time when you need to be that shocking on screen in order to reach to your audience. Apocalypto, true to a long line of other films, reflects the psyche of the new generation of audience; we are faced with that gore in the papers, in our daily life and every time we switch on the TV and although disturbing in itself, what is more worrying is that we've grown accustomed to it! We don't react to such images as before, gradually, less and less things shock us and the film makers are picking up that underlying trend and responding by increasing the volume in each new production. It’s becoming a never ending cycle spiralling upwards all the time.This line of thought is not new, when I was telling my friend about watching this film and what I thought of it, he referred me to someone who has presented this argument before. Funny enough it relats to the same moviemaker, Mil Gibson's Passion of Christ! Walter Davis's article reflects on the change in the American psyche since 9/11, "the deadening of emotions" that we flee by an overdose of violence whether that violence was on screen or off! Going back to Apolcalypto, I think I should be grateful that I still cannot stomach that level of violence, that unlike my young niece and nephew, I still feel a bit uneasy at some of the scenes from CSI! And after a long thought, that gratefulness was the overwhelming idea that I ended up with!I'm really sorry SB and Abufares, I told you from the start that great sequences never happen (with the exception of Godfather 2) and this "long awaited" opinion is no difference.I enjoyed this virtual interaction over this film, and that counts as a point in its favour! I think that we should do this more often (films, books) We've already had a musical argument (abufares you remember I think ;-).And now I leave the floor to you my friends.... shoot!



(A reference should be made to a very dear friend who helped me in correcting a number of writing errors within the blog! Thanks dear, you're editorial skills are always welcomed.)

Apocalypto 2

abufares said...Welcome Back!You should review movies professionally as your reviews will certainly make me look for these titles.A movie I've seen on DVD recently was able to climb on my all-time-favorite list is Apocalypto by Mel Gibson. If you haven't seen yet, please do. I would love to read your review.27 August 2007 08:16:00 GMT

The Syrian Brit said...Welcome back..I still would love to hear about your trip.. cheesy or no cheesy, we want to hear it all!!..
Abu Fares, I really must urge you to reconsider your view of 'Apocalypto'.. There is no doubt that it is an epic by any description, and I do not dispute its 'artistic' excellence, but it contains so many inaccuracies and and down-right lies it is criminal!..Here SOME links to comments from scholars and experts on Mayan civilization, as well as others..link 1
link 2
link 3
link 4
link 5
link 6
and so on..(Otherwise, just 'google' the word 'Apocalypto', and read some of the reviews..)(So sorry, Syrian in London.. I do not mean to hijack your blog, but I really feel very strongly against the claim that the European conquestadors brought 'civilization' to South America.. What they brought was genocide, starvation, disease, and poverty!..)27 August 2007 19:12:00 GMT

Syrian in London said...Salaam AbufaresI have the film on my to watch list, not at the top though. Once i get there i will look forward to talking about it with you!Salaam27 August 2007 19:59:00 GMT

Syrian in London said...ًWow Syrian Brit, now you're making more eager to watch the film to see for myself as I can't possibly give an opinion before hand.As for hijacking my blog, please feel free at any time :-)
As it happened, your blog about your trip basically summed up all that I wanted to say, and made me think whether this is an expat’s view in general to how things are now back home.
Thanks for the visit & do drop by next time you're in London!27 August 2007 20:28:00 GMT

abufares said...I'm participating in the hijacking process Syrian in London, but please allow me to handle the Syrian Brit mano a mano.
Syrian Brit, I'm already aware of the "few" historical inaccuracies of Apocalypto. I assure you that I believe them to be more of a technical nature.
Link'>http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&ct=res&cd=3&url=http%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FApocalypto&ei=oknURprJHouo0gTxgt2pCQ&usg=AFQjCNHNr-mFmoXcoSip7gBU50bwT9GkZg&sig2=qYmfaTCAYb_AR1xk3t69tg">Link 1
I did not find anything in the movie even remotely suggesting that the Europeans brought civilization to Central and South America. Au contraire, in one brief yet potent scene, it conveyed the idea that "from bad to worse". The Mayans,like almost all before and after civilizations used brutality and oppression, politically and religiously. Did it not stir any feelings of deja vu in you. Don't you think we are going through the same process right now?In light of the above, I still love this movie.Please Syrian in London help me out. Watch it soon, write a review.28 August 2007 16:17:00 GMT

The Syrian Brit said...Ya Abu Fares.. Ya Abu Fares.. P-lllease!.. Wikipedia??... I quote National Geographic, and several top archeological experts.. and you qoute Wikipedia?!...I do not dispute that the movie is quite stirring and very interesting from a purely artistic view, but hitorically, it is simply criminal.. My main objection is really to a comment you have made on my Blog, referring to Apocalypto as the best movie ever made about the World history... For a start, the Spanish did not reach America until some 400 years after the demise of the Maya as a major civilization!..And what about the last scene in the movie??.. The serene calm sea, and the Spanish galleons approaching silently and smoothly?.. To me, that suggested that they are bringing peace after the chaos.. civilization to replace brutality and lawlessness.. In fact, the Spanish Conquestadors brought death and genocide, destruction, starvation, syphilis, and other perils!.. and if you want historical comparison.. well, wasn't peace and prosperity to replace oppression and brutality what Bush promised for Iraq?!.. So, yes.. WE ARE going through the same process..As I said before, if this was just another mythical epic, I would have no serious problems with it.. and clearly, from an artistic point of view, it is a fantastic production.. but not as a historical movie..My dear Syrian in London, sorry once again for hijacking your blog.. just tell us to p*** off we outstay our welcome!.. (7akem ne7na ma mnin3ata wish!..)30 August 2007 22:01:00 GMT

abufares said...Syrian BritI interpreted that scene you mentioned differently. I felt that the message meant: "you thought you were in trouble before??? You haven't seen anything yet."I stated on your blog that it's one of my favorite all-time movies and that I consider it the best historical movie ever and I reconfirm my position. Probably, its minor inaccuracies and its superb artisitic qualities made it universal in a sense. It's about civilization and it metaphorically applies to all.31 August 2007 08:19:00 GMT

The Syrian Brit said...Abu Fares,I must admit I did consider your version for interpretting that scene.. However, I felt that was so 'un-Mel Gibson'.. certainly totally unlike the 'new' Mel Gibson, with his new-found religious ideas and beliefs..Nevertheless, I think we are in agreement that the movie is an epic in terms of its impact and artistic excellence. However, I still do not agree that it is a historical document, and I am still of the belief that it contains so much 'White Supremacy' connotations as to make it rather difficult to swallow..I guess that is one thing that we will have to agree to differ upon..Thank you for an interesting debate, Abu Fares.. and thank you, Syrian in London, for allowing us the space to do it.. 01 September 2007 11:44:00 GMT

abufares said...Syrian in London
Shoot us out of our misery. Watch the damn movie, give us a piece of your mind and put an end to our childish squabbles. BTW, it was indeed a good debate.AND, SiL do you like chocolate? Ice cream? m&m's? a good bottle of wine? (p.s. I'm trying to bribe you so that the review goes in my favor)IN TRUTH, SiL... I would love to have all of the above with you :-)01 September 2007 15:31:00 GMT

Syrian in London said...Dear Abufares & syrian Brit, this has been a most intresting discussion & I have already bought the dvd (couldn't wait till I borrow it) & planing to watch it tonight & hopefully comeback to u this weekend.Now abufares, trying to influance me? Shame on u (I love chocolate anyway) ;-)
01 September 2007 16:07:00 GMT

Apocalypto 1

Amazing Grace & V

It's been sometime since I last been here, I have returned back from Syria after a holiday that left me amazed in a lot of ways and I had so many ideas for things that I wanted to write about in this blog, unfortunately (or fortunately) every time I think of what to write I feel it either too personal or too cheesy to share!

Getting back to work to a diminishing department (due to holidays, sick leaves and market crashes) and an expanding work load didn't really help the creative process either and I ended up leaving my cosy little virtual corner here for more than 2 months!
Having been checked upon by my favourite blogger Abufares, and kicked off my comfy sofa by my other half to get back to this place I finally mastered the will power to turn my PC on and start typing again.

The minor issue of a topic that hindered me for so long was resolved quickly by the happy coincidence (although some argue that there is no such thing) of going on a movie binge yesterday and watching 2 films one after the other, as it happened, I picked one on impulse (from a store called Impulse at Euston station) and the other was a web order. Now as it happens, the two films couldn't have been more different on the outside, Amazing Grace tells the story of William Wilberforce, the man who brought about the end of the slave trade in the British Empire; V for Vendetta a film which depicts a bleak view of the future when the state becomes the instigator of fear as a way to control its subject rather be answerable to them.

I did say that these two films were so different, but there is a common thread that joints them together, over a stretch of almost 200 years, the first recites one of politics finest real hours while the latter speaks of its imagined worst.

Amazing Grace tells of a time, when people had the power and the will to change, when being 24 didn't stop you from being a Prime Minister (William Pitt) and standing against the whole parliament to abolish a trade wich at the time was the equivalent of arms or oil trade these days was something that you dedicate your life to and in the end, after 20 years of struggle, you succeed in doing..

V for Vendetta is almost a negative view of Amazing Grace, it is closer to our modern days, politics is a dirty game and people have lost the will and the spirit to fight. V, our hero masked as Guy Fawkes, is not driven by the good intentions of William Wilberforce but rather pursuing a darker path for revenge. Unknown, unloved and unseen, V's brutality reflects that of his time, his plan that took 20 years in the making is that of killing and destruction; love and tenderness are just words that don't have a meaning in his world.

Both films are strong in their own way, both deliver a message of ideals and struggle. Both reflect the same country but in different times, neither fails to reflect the basics of human decency. Both start from a dark surrounding and end in a blaze of triumph, the first finishes with a hymn and the second closes with a bright V of Victory, Valour and a Vision marked across the London sky.

There are still so many things to say about the films but I just realised that if I can easily stay all night and fill many pages without saying all so I’ll just finish with the words of Amazing Grace, Christian hymn, maybe; gospel music, at its best; exclusive to some, not at all..

Amazing Grace"

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That sav’d a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

Thin Line

How many times have we crossed that thin, gray, unnoticeable line that we have at every corner and in every decision we make? The line between friendship and love, the line between love and possession; the line between missing and obsessing and the line between caring and smothering the other with overwhelming attention?

It is so thin this thin line, and most of the time, we are blinded by what we want we cannot think of what is right and we cross so easily without noticing what we’ve done.

Can you go back once you’ve crossed? Or has that thin line shifting and it simply vanishes once crossed? We’re left with that overwhelming sense of guilt, happiness or loss!

Tricky thin line… will I ever master the art of you?

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Pursuit of happiness!

Or should I write “Happyness” as the film is titled? It has been some time since I last watched a film that moved me so deeply and have made me really stop and think about what we all want in life and what we work so hard for, Happiness…

Being based on a true story, a time in the life of Chris Gardner, the film has a different taste to your usual morally strong, socially oriented films. The knowledge that this has actually happened to someone, that the drama is derived from real life and is not a fragment of imagination from a talented writer gives it that much more weight and that much more impact on us outside viewers.

I saw the film for the first time on my way back from Syria, I blamed an already over emotional, over active set of feeling, or maybe a horrible neighbour in the seat next to me, for crying in a plane full of people but then I realised the most of the people on the plane were trying to hide a tear or two after seeing the film! Then I accepted it as the impact of brilliant writing and acting in a very good film, there was that bit of doubt about the liberal artistic changes to the real story to fit the film, that bit more of spices to create a stronger set of feelings in the viewers but the aftertaste remained, hence when the film was out on DVD and I noticed that within the special features added there is an interview with the real Chris Gardner I couldn’t help but buy the DVD and take it home.

I watched the interview before the film and the impact was amazing, realising that there were little, or no, artistic additions to the story, that this man has actually spend nights in train station’s lavatory with his son because he had nowhere to go was shocking. To know that someone have reached that low and then managed to end on top is inspiring to say the least!

We all seek happiness; we all, whether we know it or not, work towards it and have it in our horizon in every direction we go to. A lot may disagree, may proclaim other intentions or other goals but even the most unselfish act one does are aimed to get a sense of self satisfaction and happiness for being able to help someone else.

These days, with all that is happening around us in this crazy world, happiness, very much like that blue bird over the rainbow, is hard to see, hard to find. Even if we’re happy in our personal life, we feel guilty for being happy when so many around us are so miserable, as if feeling happy is something to be ashamed of now. With life being not that simple, all that much cruel and all the more complex; being happy is reserved for simple or selfish people who can ignore that craziness!

But I disagree, pursuing happiness is part of our humanity, one of reasons for our existence, seeking happiness is the thing that drives me to wake up in the morning, to struggle with work and annoyances all day, seeing that happiness in the horizon is what gives me my will to live.

But do we ever reach that horizon? Can we ever be happy? The pursuit of happyness gives you a good clue, that one moment in the end, he calls that time Happiness! One moment when all is well, all is right, that second that is suspended in time is what it is all about! That perfect embrace, that one single kiss, the first time you hold your child or that first time to he says I love you, that is what happiness means. Don’t fall for the illusion that it will be forever and a day, it is not lasting or permanent, that happiness is reserved for that moment, and once that moment is passed, so does the happiness that came with it and all that we’re left with is a memory of that moment, that sweet aftertaste that we remember and desire for a long time to come.

But does that mean that the Pursuit of Happyness is a mirage that never lasts? Some people despair and think that is the case, some see this pursuit as waste or a fantasy that would drive you mad in the end. I beg to differ…

It is that single moment that gives life meaning, you seek it, it comes, it takes your breath away and leave you with an afterthought of warm, sweet pleasure but that is not all that it leaves you with! Like clues to a treasure, each moment of happiness points you in the direction of the one after it. The moment passes, but there is a new horizon and a new rainbow that we seek and work hard to reach, till we get to that new point of utter happiness and so on for as long as we live.

Life is all about that, moving from one point of joy to the other, remembering the ones that passed and dreaming of the ones that are on the way. The excitement of living is that we never know where the next pursuit will lead us, the possibilities are endless and we are pilgrims searching for that holy grail of endless joy. The journey is never easy, most of the time is hard, stone hard, the journey might include sleeping in the lavatory with your child or seeking shelter in a homeless home, but for all that hardship, that moment is that much sweeter and last that much longer.

In this there is the answer to whether it’s worth it or not; is something worth the heart ache, the stress, the struggle? A lucky person would say yes it is, would know that the reward is worth the price and would fight for it. A lucky person won’t take the easy way out and settle for a medium level of semi happiness just because the alternative is much harder. A lucky person would realise how precious this happiness is and realise that for their life to mean something he or she should go down that rocky road for some time to come.

Finally, a lucky person would have someone to seek that happiness with, one of those rare times in life when your walk is not a lonely one, your fight is not a me against the odds but Us against the world, for those lucky few, part of that perceived happiness is involved in the journey itself, for those lucky few, the road is as precious as the moment. For those lucky few, like Chris and Christopher Gardner, happyness is always close by…

Be happy

Picture is the property of © 2006 Columbia Pictures Industries Inc

Fairuz & Music

I'm writing this blog and I’m apologising in advance from Abu Fares who have stated before so strongly that he hates Fairuz

Well my dear friend, now, on my weekend in this foreign country, I’m writing this blog while listening to Fairuz in the background and I just discovered that I actually really love her!
I have to admit that my relationship with Fairuz hasn't been going on for long; when I was living in Syria, listening to her in the morning was such a normal part of the day that I didn't even notice it plus the fact that the morning portion of Fairuz was usually early in the day before I wake up!

Then I came to London, and it seems that all expats have to listen to Fairuz all the time, certain songs like Nassam 3alina elhawa (نسم علينا الهوى) are the must for anyone missing home here, and it usually reduced people to tears when listening to it. Well, it didn't have that effect on me! And albeit strong discussions with friends and family, the number one diva for me has always been, and always will be don't miss understand me here, Um Kulthom. Although she's classified as old fashion by the majority of my generation, I’m properly hocked to her voice and her songs...
Back to Fairuz, my relationship with her changed more than a year and a half ago and I have to admit that this change was because of an external influence!

A song is just a song, but when someone tells you what this song mean to them and to you, this combination of words and tunes takes a whole different meaning...
Songs like Ya 7elu sho bkhaf eni dai3ak (يا حلو شو بخاف إني ضيعك) and Ya 2albi la tet3eb Albak (يا قلبي لا تتعب قلبك ) now carry a distinctive meaning and capture a moment in time and a feeling that would otherwise pass unrecorded.
I think that is why some people just can't imagine Arabic music without Fairuz, she has so many of the sweet gentle songs, just what is needed for young affections and tender love whispers to be conveyed in these short melodies to make Fairuz essential for romance in our culture..
I will never dare to claim that I'm an expert of Fairuz, I'm far far from being that and I can still make the people who are, go pale from shock with things that I don't know but for me Fairuz is the voice of a period, of a time, of a memory and for that I will never forget these songs, they are part of me now...

Yesterday, when I started writing this blog, I was listening to a collection of Fairuz songs that belonged to someone so dear to me, that was enough to make me all geared up to talk about her and her music, today, going though the blogs that I follow, I read this blog, the song "Home" is again one that relates to a time and a feeling and now, I’m just listening to the music and a different set of thoughts and emotions is running through my mind...

For the majority of us, music is that, it is the fragments of memories that each song hold, the memory of the feelings that every tunes bring, and for the majority of us, this is what makes us love or hate a song or a singer; few are experts, some are real fans and most are just humans who identify the untouchable with a melody...
Whether it's wanting to come home, wondering how can you live without someone, simply just having a bad day, telling someone what love can do or that one day you'll fly away; a song can usually say it all…

PS: while looking for a picture to put with this post, i run a Google search with the word "Music" and ended up with 957million possible results and 51.3million images!!

Sorry &a bit more

I have been away for some time now, more than a month has passed since I last posted on this blog and I know that there was a number of you who commented on various previous posts but for a lot of reasons that would take way too much space I could not reply to you...For them who took the time to read and comment and to you, dear unknown friends, I send my apologies for this prolonged absence.

Thinking that I haven't written anything for some time has led me to think of the question, do you have to write for the sake of writing something? a blog, being a place were we bloggers note down our thoughts and ideas, should never be a commitment as such, it must not become a thing I have to do but should always be something I would like to do. In the end we, the happy bloggers community, aim to share a thought or a feeling or to advise and inform; but do we have a commitment to write? Is it ever a job in that sense? I think, and I hope you agree, that it's not! I have days when I sit in front of my screen and feel the need to communicate with you my dear friends and that is when I open a new posting and start typing. I feel that at those times, I’m happy that I’m talking to you, laughing, or just chatting about the various every day events that I have faced or noticed. I believe the every human has his/her unique way of understanding things and absorbing them (I have said as much before somewhere here) and telling things our way help all of us to gain prospective on life, universe and every thing else* and that is what every blogger aim to do, share, absorb and convey to others what little they have to offer.

The last few weeks have seen so many changes in my life, foundations of a new life have been set firmly on the ground God willing, and I feel that I’m on the verge of something so amazingly wonderful but so unbelievable personal that I want to scream it to the world but can't do yet...

In the last few weeks, I had so many firsts I stopped counting, but every one of these firsts was a moment that is now captured in my memory forever, suspended in time, detached from every day life and secured in the depth of who I am...

In the last few weeks, I've known what it means to belong, to love, to care, to share; what it mean to build a life, to live the dream (if only the beginning of one) and to fly high with the wind beneath my wings...

I’m writing this in such a public place, but at the same time, I’m fooling myself if I pretended not to be addressing it to one person in particular... I’m whispering to you but doing it so loudly across the infinite virtual space between us. Why am I doing that? I don't know but I know that I need to and you know me better than to ask for a reason...

I don't know much, but I know one simple thing, I know that I have the most precious gift a person can have, I know I have a heart beating for me and for me alone and I can never ask for more...

Thank you, for being a friend, a companion and a partner
Thank you for sharing the dream, the road and the trip with me
Thank you for being you, and for not wanting to change anything in me

Thank you...

*Of course from “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”

Fish and Chips

No, don't worry, I'm not going to tell you about how tasty this variety of fast food is (although it is) nor how you're not considered to be British if you don't like/love it (although you're not) nor that it is advisable to eat F&C at least once a week according to the owner of the restaurant I recently discovered (although I highly doubt this one to be true!!). No what I want to tell you about is a series of happy coincidences that led me the other day to enjoy an authentic/Syrian F&C in the heart of the England’s garden!

For those of you who don't know what F&C is, just imagine a KFC and change the chicken with a nice piece of cod fish (boneless) and it is usually accompanied by a medium sized portion of larch chunky chips that you're suppose to have them with a pinch of salt and some vinegar (non of that continental mayo and ketchup!)

As you can imagine it is the warmest thing (besides a curry) you can have on a cold night and that is exactly why I just followed the secant of chips one evening coming home late from work and really not in the mood to cook (actually heat something in the microwave) or order a delivery that will arrive way too late for my bedtime. So back to a calling smell that I have been noticing just outside the remote train station that I return to every night and law and behold, a new F&C place just across the street! Nice outlay, clean and most importantly a very friendly face behind the counter, after a short thinking pause (do I really need the extra inch around my waist) I walked confidently into the store and order a slandered portion of England’s best! it took some time for the fish to be cooked (yes it is only fried after you order it!) and I started chatting with the owner, nice middle age English lady that told me that they have only just opened up for business and that you should eat F&C at least once a week.

During the conversation, the man working the frying pan said nothing, at first look I guessed Greek, and there was a definite Mediterranean look to him. Once my Cod fish was done and I was eagerly waiting for it to be rapped, the lady exchanged a quick look with her husband and then asked me where I’m from. Replying that I was from the Middle east (to avoid the embarecment of explaining where Syria is!) she went to ask me from which part, slightly surprised I answered Syria (a well informed F&C owner I have to say) to be even more astonished by the question that followed, which part of Syria?!! Ok, my newly acquainted F&C owner has travelled/heard about Syria before, so when I replied by saying Damascus, I was completely taken off guard with the guy turning to his wife and telling her, I told you so!, then turning on to me and asking me in an unmistakable Shami accent, which part of Damascus (only a Shami will ask that question) I was speechless and the guy realised that and went into introducing himself, ****** from Salhieh, I returned the introduction for him to tell me, in the usual authentic shami style, "yes of course I’ve heard of the *** family, very well known!"

My newly acquainted friends were a Syrian guy who has came to this country and married this very nice British lady 15 years ago! off course the conversation could have gone on for a lot longer but they had customers walking in and I was about to miss my last bus home so I quickly said my good byes and walked back to the bus stop.

It was a really nice F&C, anyone visiting me will get the chance to try it, but what was more striking is the commercial sense behind opening such a place just outside a train station to catch all the weary travellers like me, the adventure that my new acquaintances have followed to end up in this quite corner of the English country side, it amazes me how far people will go or what they will do to follow whichever dream they have.
I don't know why Patricia & Imad have ended up opening a Fish and Chips restaurant in Kent but whatever greater power at work that led my steps there one cold winter night, I know that now I will try at least one F&C a month, not for the healthy side of it but for the much more important side of having a nice late night chat with a fellow Salhani and his lovely wife...

Come and enjoy an authentic Syrian F&C at Pine Lake's!

How do you know?

How do you know that you love someone? It’s not only by the good times that you share together but by the bad ones too.

You know when you pass through that time of emotional paralysis were you can’t feel and don’t want to feel anything, when it’s so easy to just open the door and walk away and he understands that, he just stays away, give you your distance but at the same time stay close enough to catch you if you fall, he’ll surround your emptiness and patiently wait till the emptiness is filled again with all that you share.

You know when you cry for no reason but he knows that you need to cry, and he won’t tell you to stop, he won’t tell you that you’re being silly and that tears don’t solve anything; he will just hold you close and allow your tears to run freely on his embrace.

You know, when you realise that your tears, no matter how silly the reason is, are never wasted, are never shed in vain because they just water the love he holds inside for you, he just builds a world that is just for the both of you where nothing is hard, no pain is too great because he just there making the pain go away…

How do you know? When you realise that you don’t have to make sense all the time, because he’ll always know what you mean, when you know that you’re never alone, never again because you have him in your life all the time.

That’s how you know…

Syrian Bloggers: Free Kareem

We, as a community of Syrian bloggers, condemn the arrest and sentencing of Egyptian blogger Abdel Kareem Nabil Soliman for the peaceful expression of his dissenting views. We ask the Egyptian government to reconsider its decision to arrest and prosecute Abdel Kareem. The stated reasons for their action include the preservation of the public peace and state security, and the prevention of incitement against Islam. We contend that his arrest will achieve neither. Silencing such dissenting voices as Abdel Kareem’s, serves only to strengthen the hands of extremists who will not shy away from violence to achieve their goals. Moreover, we remind the Egyptian government that his arrest and prosecution violates at least two articles (see below) of the 1948 United Nations universal declaration of human rights to which Egypt was a signatory. Relevant United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights articles: Article 18. Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance. Article 19. Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.Such rights for freedom of expression are also enshrined in the 1990 Cairo Declaration on Human Rights in Islam and the 2003 Universal Declaration of Human Rights by the World's religions.
Signed by,
Abu KareemAyman
The Syrian Brit
Sham in Ashrafieh
Fares
Yazan
Sasa
Omar
Ammar
Philip I

My "racist" views, An Arabic woman whinge...

I’ve been working in this country for the past two and a half years and before that I worked in Syria for roughly the same period so is it strange that now I have a preference to working with British co-workers or have I been completely brain washed during my stay here?

The whole question came when an Arab colleague wondered by my desk on Friday and decided to check out my blackberry! So without too much introduction he picks it up and starts flipping through the various menu options until he gets to my inbox! Now he must have realised by my slightly stressed tone that I was a bit annoyed but did that stop him at any point? No! And he handed me back my phone with a sly note that he hasn’t seen anything!

Now how do I know that no English colleague would ever do this in a million years? Well maybe because one of my closest friends at work, who admired my previous XDA-Exec and was planning to buy one has actually asked me out for dinner in order that I show his the ins and outs of the device at my leisure and during the whole time never went from one feature to the other without asking for my permission first? Maybe because my boss once noticed my phone flashing with a new e-mail has turned it face down so not to allow anyone including himself to even glance at it!

During my time working in this country I have come across a mix of Arab and non Arab workers. The pattern that I noticed every time, with all the people that I have worked with is the respect that I get from all except my “Arabic speaking group”! With me being one of the few Arabic woman working in this environment, it was staggering, to outsiders as well as to me, to see the patronising behaviour towards me and towards any Arabic female arround. the reaction was the same whether it was the one who was raised in this country since he was a child or the one who is here for a short time. Nationality differences among that group accounted for one exception; Algerians were the most civilized by miles while the rest were unbelievably … what’s the word! Arab!

I was talking to another friend and when I told him, I prefer to work with British and he was astonished with my note. I realised after saying that that I was more “racist” than the majority of the people I work with but maybe my judgment is clouded by my personal experience.

Maybe this is a horrible view that I’m adopting, maybe it is not the same for other places and with other people, maybe I irritate them with my freedom and they consider me as someone who has sold out her origins to merge into the British society. And to be honest, the majority of my friends here are British; I enjoy the fact that I can chose how close or how far I want to be with people without a long winded explanation of why I want that. I enjoy the freedom of expressing my thoughts and ideas without judgment of other or society. I don’t have to conform to be part of the group, I go out with my colleagues after work for a quick drink down the pub but they all know that I get high on my tomato juice and after the first time they offered out of courtesy they don’t need to ask or insist anymore. I can talk to my Brazilian friend for hours about everything and anything and so can she without worrying about how she’ll look at me the following days.

A lot of people think that to live in a foreign country and keep your identity you have to keep your society within you! I read a post some time ago objecting to the racism of the locals in that country, well why do all Arabs, and sorry to generalise and please jump in and tell me not all are like that, think that the whole world has to accept them as they are? Why do we not tolerate other people’s view and expect them to tolerate ours?

British people are considered one of the least accepting among other nations yet London is the most diverse! Why? Because their britishness include allowing for individuality, that is the sacred pack that they all share. Be what you want to be because you want to, respect other’s freedom and they will respect yours. Prove your worth in what you do, and they will respect you even if they hate your guts! It is strange that I feel more liberated to display my Arabic, Islamic me in London than in Damascus! Here, I’m not written out as a hardliner extremist who should tend to her religious education and seek the happiness and obedience of marital bless just because I ware a scarf! Compared to the reaction that I had in Syria when I took that step with people suddenly talking to me about marriage and commitment rather than career and education!

And maybe that is why my Arabic “friends” feel the urge to prove their role as guardians of the weaker less capable female countrywoman. They still carry their society within them; they still see that I disgrace them when I go with the guys for a drink or travel on my own to another city to attend an English league football match! They probably shake their heads and think with a sorry expression how my parents are allowing me so much freedom or maybe they worry that I’m too much of a rebel and can undermine their traditional protective role that they’re so used to.

The funny part in all of this is that I never used to feel that while I was working back home! It’s as if you somehow get used to the notion that you will be treated differently because you’re from the gentler sex, and the shook only kicks in when you’re here being expected to put as much as anyone else, and using the “I’m to gentle to do this” is the worst career move you can ever do! I sometimes worry how to readjust when I return to Syria, if and when I return, to this lucid reality of gender differentiation. To be back at a work place where all are like my “Arab colleagues” and non are like my British ones! Where respect is related to calling all as Mr x or Mrs y and nothing more, where you have to wait outside the door for a paper to be signed by the manager rather than jock with them about last night’s TV! What a scary notion that is!

Tell me, have I lost my identity because I feel like this? Have I sold out to this new country that I’m living in now? I don’t know and I’m not sure that there is one right answer for this. Whether there is a right answer to begin with or is it something each one us wonderers who live in two world, love two world and belong to two world has to figure out on our own!

Love is all arround

Well, Valentine day was last week, the streets were filled with people rushing around with red roses, red balloons and presents wrapped in red paper. In a place that is usually very serious, it was funny to see all these highflier City executives with a seriously concerned look on their faces worrying about choosing the right present for the day!

This made me remember a blog that I have drafted ages ago but never gotten around to publishing till now; with love all around, at least for one day, do we still believe in it? Does the notion of romantic love remain a reality or is it just a caption of our imagination with no real existence in the everyday life?

If you ask someone who has just started a relationship, who is still in the pink period, then the answer will always be yes, Romeo and Juliet’s kind of love is alive and well! Ask someone who just ended a relationship and you will get the line that love is just a myth, a way to dress up a primal desire with a more civilized way.

As for me, helpless romantic by nature, tell me that love is a myth, I will tell you, you’ve never been in love before, tell me that love is worshiping the grounds that someone else tread on, I will tell you, you haven’t been in love before! Love is not walking hand in hands in the moonlight, or melting with a single touch from that wonderful other… no my friend, love is simply waking up in the morning and thinking how lucky you are to have that special one, the one that is special just for you, the one that everybody else will think that you’re a bit crazy to be with…

Love is not liking his good qualities; no, love is accepting the horrible ones and knowing that no matter how hard you try you will never change them until one day you realise, it is these small annoyances that make them special in your eyes!

Love is not melting into someone; it’s walking with them by your side, getting so used to them you even forget that they’re there but you tread the road with that bit more of confidant!

Love is accepting the hurt with the happiness, knowing that your days won’t all be filled with smiles and roses and that sometimes you will feel the pain crunching you to the bone.

So many people I know refuse to allow love into their life because of the hurt it will bring them. Preferring a “free” and painless life to a “messy” and draining one, they will always tell you about this person who had their hearts broken by falling in and out of love!

The question is love worth it isn’t easy to answer; some people can live their lives easily ignoring love and disregarding even the notion of it. Can one judge such life to be better or worse than that of us eternal lovers? I thought that the answer was always yes, they don’t know what they’re missing but now I realise that this is not true, the answer is much simpler than that, they haven’t chosen to ignore love, because no one can, they just haven’t fallen in love yet!

It is amazing to meet someone who have lived his or her whole life away from this basic emotion but when you realise that falling really in love is not an every day occurrence, it is not every time we feel some twitch in our hearts towards someone, it’s not every crush or each brief encounter; falling in love is something that happens to you only once in your life, if you’re lucky enough to meet that special someone!

People don’t choose not to fall in love, they just chose not to follow the mirage every time and it is only the real thing standing in their way that will open their eyes to a whole new reality.

Knowing the difference, I stopped trying to convince people that you can’t live your life high and dry without love. Now I realise that when the moment come, and I pray it comes to all of you who read this, they will follow that new reality no matter where it takes them. Love will sneak up on them without any warning and without any of the usual commotion. One day they will wake up and realise that they’re so lucky to have that someone in their life and know with such confidence that they want them to walk the rest of the road by their side, that the way will be that much easier, that the happy moments will be that much happier and the sad ones that much easier because they’re not alone. They will wake up every day to the hope of a softer, sweeter tomorrow and with that special one they will always follow that tomorrow.

Happy Valentine…

Feel the rain

Feel the rain on your skin
no one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips

These words, funny enough, were part of an add on the TV but somehow the lyrics hit a cord that I’ve been searching for for so long; people can tell you a thousand times how something should be, how something should feel but then no one other than you trying it will give you the real meaning that you’re searching for.

We talk to people all the time, they try to pass their experiences to us and we try to explain to them our own visions and feelings but then how can things like, love, loss, passion and life be explained in words? How can someone describe his most intimate thoughts to others in words and words are so limited? How can they listen and understand what you mean when no one can take anything in without adding to it from their own pool of thoughts, ideas and feelings making the story that is told unique to every listener and never what its author intended it to be…

It’s been sometime since I last updated this blog, busy at work and with family it’s been hard to sit and let the words flow by with so many things happening and at the same time, with the conscience of knowing that there are people who will be reading these words (the only reason to have a blog is to have it read!) it was a bit difficult thinking of how to put the million things going through my head in words but then I heard this song and realised that no matter how hard I try, every one who reads this will read it in his or her own way and it will mean such different things to each one of you dear friends… when I want to write about love, loss, passion and life, you my friend will read the words in your own way and with your own experiences feeding into it and that what makes it so exciting, knowing that the same lines will be received in so many different ways…

This time, I don’t have much to say other than we can all talk about everything and anything but you will only know when you try it yourself….

So go out, and feel the rain

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovations
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah