Sunday, 16 September 2007

Waiting for deliverance

Some times I feel as if I’m living my life waiting for my life to begin! Waiting to get into college, waiting for college to finish, waiting to get a scholarship, looking forward to completing my degree; waiting to get a job, waiting to buy a house; waiting for love, longing for my life to begin…
A lot of people say that life is in the journey not the destination, that so many people wait their beginning to the grave and miss out on all that matters with their constant waiting and longing and I’ve always tried not to be one of those people; I tried to enjoy every moment and live every day but what can you do with a restless mind and an even more restless soul?
I wrote before about the pursuit of happiness, how you get one moment of joy and spend your life travelling from one peak to the other, eternally seeking the Holy Grail of earthly bliss, and I’m not going against what I’ve written there, I am extremely blessed to have someone I’m walking the road with but is it wrong to ask for more?
I’m writing this blog mostly for myself, I think I need to see my own thoughts in black and white so that I can extract some sense out of them. Why have I chosen such a public space to do so? Beats me, maybe I’m too scared of digging deep into my thoughts alone, or maybe, just maybe, someone out there would have the magic answer to my constant wondering

Tranquillity seems such a far reached dream....


abufares said...

Your post scratched a raw nerve. I've been feeling quite the same for an undetermined period of time. I'm in apparent control mostly but every now and then the sensation of being a bystander watching it all goes by, or even worse, standing in line and waiting for something is overpowering.
Blogging is helping us shake off some of the accumulating dust. Just being able to write what's on your mind and, in a way, a total stranger like me commenting on your words is engaging.
I don't want to count my days. I try to live and embrace every moment as they come my way. I don't succeed all the time, and when I don't, I, too, wait for deliverance.

Wassim said...

I liked your first paragraph, pretty much somes up my life too. Just a looon stretch and always waiting for something to begin. I hope you find what you're looking for.