My "racist" views, An Arabic woman whinge...

I’ve been working in this country for the past two and a half years and before that I worked in Syria for roughly the same period so is it strange that now I have a preference to working with British co-workers or have I been completely brain washed during my stay here?

The whole question came when an Arab colleague wondered by my desk on Friday and decided to check out my blackberry! So without too much introduction he picks it up and starts flipping through the various menu options until he gets to my inbox! Now he must have realised by my slightly stressed tone that I was a bit annoyed but did that stop him at any point? No! And he handed me back my phone with a sly note that he hasn’t seen anything!

Now how do I know that no English colleague would ever do this in a million years? Well maybe because one of my closest friends at work, who admired my previous XDA-Exec and was planning to buy one has actually asked me out for dinner in order that I show his the ins and outs of the device at my leisure and during the whole time never went from one feature to the other without asking for my permission first? Maybe because my boss once noticed my phone flashing with a new e-mail has turned it face down so not to allow anyone including himself to even glance at it!

During my time working in this country I have come across a mix of Arab and non Arab workers. The pattern that I noticed every time, with all the people that I have worked with is the respect that I get from all except my “Arabic speaking group”! With me being one of the few Arabic woman working in this environment, it was staggering, to outsiders as well as to me, to see the patronising behaviour towards me and towards any Arabic female arround. the reaction was the same whether it was the one who was raised in this country since he was a child or the one who is here for a short time. Nationality differences among that group accounted for one exception; Algerians were the most civilized by miles while the rest were unbelievably … what’s the word! Arab!

I was talking to another friend and when I told him, I prefer to work with British and he was astonished with my note. I realised after saying that that I was more “racist” than the majority of the people I work with but maybe my judgment is clouded by my personal experience.

Maybe this is a horrible view that I’m adopting, maybe it is not the same for other places and with other people, maybe I irritate them with my freedom and they consider me as someone who has sold out her origins to merge into the British society. And to be honest, the majority of my friends here are British; I enjoy the fact that I can chose how close or how far I want to be with people without a long winded explanation of why I want that. I enjoy the freedom of expressing my thoughts and ideas without judgment of other or society. I don’t have to conform to be part of the group, I go out with my colleagues after work for a quick drink down the pub but they all know that I get high on my tomato juice and after the first time they offered out of courtesy they don’t need to ask or insist anymore. I can talk to my Brazilian friend for hours about everything and anything and so can she without worrying about how she’ll look at me the following days.

A lot of people think that to live in a foreign country and keep your identity you have to keep your society within you! I read a post some time ago objecting to the racism of the locals in that country, well why do all Arabs, and sorry to generalise and please jump in and tell me not all are like that, think that the whole world has to accept them as they are? Why do we not tolerate other people’s view and expect them to tolerate ours?

British people are considered one of the least accepting among other nations yet London is the most diverse! Why? Because their britishness include allowing for individuality, that is the sacred pack that they all share. Be what you want to be because you want to, respect other’s freedom and they will respect yours. Prove your worth in what you do, and they will respect you even if they hate your guts! It is strange that I feel more liberated to display my Arabic, Islamic me in London than in Damascus! Here, I’m not written out as a hardliner extremist who should tend to her religious education and seek the happiness and obedience of marital bless just because I ware a scarf! Compared to the reaction that I had in Syria when I took that step with people suddenly talking to me about marriage and commitment rather than career and education!

And maybe that is why my Arabic “friends” feel the urge to prove their role as guardians of the weaker less capable female countrywoman. They still carry their society within them; they still see that I disgrace them when I go with the guys for a drink or travel on my own to another city to attend an English league football match! They probably shake their heads and think with a sorry expression how my parents are allowing me so much freedom or maybe they worry that I’m too much of a rebel and can undermine their traditional protective role that they’re so used to.

The funny part in all of this is that I never used to feel that while I was working back home! It’s as if you somehow get used to the notion that you will be treated differently because you’re from the gentler sex, and the shook only kicks in when you’re here being expected to put as much as anyone else, and using the “I’m to gentle to do this” is the worst career move you can ever do! I sometimes worry how to readjust when I return to Syria, if and when I return, to this lucid reality of gender differentiation. To be back at a work place where all are like my “Arab colleagues” and non are like my British ones! Where respect is related to calling all as Mr x or Mrs y and nothing more, where you have to wait outside the door for a paper to be signed by the manager rather than jock with them about last night’s TV! What a scary notion that is!

Tell me, have I lost my identity because I feel like this? Have I sold out to this new country that I’m living in now? I don’t know and I’m not sure that there is one right answer for this. Whether there is a right answer to begin with or is it something each one us wonderers who live in two world, love two world and belong to two world has to figure out on our own!

Love is all arround

Well, Valentine day was last week, the streets were filled with people rushing around with red roses, red balloons and presents wrapped in red paper. In a place that is usually very serious, it was funny to see all these highflier City executives with a seriously concerned look on their faces worrying about choosing the right present for the day!

This made me remember a blog that I have drafted ages ago but never gotten around to publishing till now; with love all around, at least for one day, do we still believe in it? Does the notion of romantic love remain a reality or is it just a caption of our imagination with no real existence in the everyday life?

If you ask someone who has just started a relationship, who is still in the pink period, then the answer will always be yes, Romeo and Juliet’s kind of love is alive and well! Ask someone who just ended a relationship and you will get the line that love is just a myth, a way to dress up a primal desire with a more civilized way.

As for me, helpless romantic by nature, tell me that love is a myth, I will tell you, you’ve never been in love before, tell me that love is worshiping the grounds that someone else tread on, I will tell you, you haven’t been in love before! Love is not walking hand in hands in the moonlight, or melting with a single touch from that wonderful other… no my friend, love is simply waking up in the morning and thinking how lucky you are to have that special one, the one that is special just for you, the one that everybody else will think that you’re a bit crazy to be with…

Love is not liking his good qualities; no, love is accepting the horrible ones and knowing that no matter how hard you try you will never change them until one day you realise, it is these small annoyances that make them special in your eyes!

Love is not melting into someone; it’s walking with them by your side, getting so used to them you even forget that they’re there but you tread the road with that bit more of confidant!

Love is accepting the hurt with the happiness, knowing that your days won’t all be filled with smiles and roses and that sometimes you will feel the pain crunching you to the bone.

So many people I know refuse to allow love into their life because of the hurt it will bring them. Preferring a “free” and painless life to a “messy” and draining one, they will always tell you about this person who had their hearts broken by falling in and out of love!

The question is love worth it isn’t easy to answer; some people can live their lives easily ignoring love and disregarding even the notion of it. Can one judge such life to be better or worse than that of us eternal lovers? I thought that the answer was always yes, they don’t know what they’re missing but now I realise that this is not true, the answer is much simpler than that, they haven’t chosen to ignore love, because no one can, they just haven’t fallen in love yet!

It is amazing to meet someone who have lived his or her whole life away from this basic emotion but when you realise that falling really in love is not an every day occurrence, it is not every time we feel some twitch in our hearts towards someone, it’s not every crush or each brief encounter; falling in love is something that happens to you only once in your life, if you’re lucky enough to meet that special someone!

People don’t choose not to fall in love, they just chose not to follow the mirage every time and it is only the real thing standing in their way that will open their eyes to a whole new reality.

Knowing the difference, I stopped trying to convince people that you can’t live your life high and dry without love. Now I realise that when the moment come, and I pray it comes to all of you who read this, they will follow that new reality no matter where it takes them. Love will sneak up on them without any warning and without any of the usual commotion. One day they will wake up and realise that they’re so lucky to have that someone in their life and know with such confidence that they want them to walk the rest of the road by their side, that the way will be that much easier, that the happy moments will be that much happier and the sad ones that much easier because they’re not alone. They will wake up every day to the hope of a softer, sweeter tomorrow and with that special one they will always follow that tomorrow.

Happy Valentine…