Lists, lists, lists...

So, I think I’m officially the worst blogger to be tagged, ever! Syrian Brit tagged me more than 3 weeks ago, that was my first tag and, after this delay, I think it will be my last!

So I was tagged to list 6 things to do before you’re 18! Well my 29^th birthday was a couple of days ago so theoretically I’m not that far from the time I was 18 but it still feel eons ago.

Any way before I start with my usual flow (that is hard to stop) I have to start by listing the 6 rules to this task:
1. Post these rules before presenting your list.
2. List 6 actions or achievements you think every person should accomplish before turning 18.
3. There are no conditions on what can be included on the list.
4. At the end of your blog, choose 6, or less, people to get tagged and list their names.
5. People who are tagged write their own blog entry with their 6 suggestions.
6. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged.

Well, as Lujayn did, I’ll skip the last 3 due to the delay in replying to this blog plus the fact that most people I know on the blog sphere have already been tagged with this task.

So here it is, my contribution to this serial chain of ideas?

1-Read a book!

I know that this sounds extremely daft but I don’t mean to read just any book, before you’re 18, you should have read at least one book that was able to touch your heart and leave an imprint on your soul. Before you’re 18, you should discover the influence a written word can have. After that life just flow by so quickly and you will barely have time to open up to a book that way, and if you don’t, you’ll miss on so much. In today’s word that gives so much weight to the visual and high tech, the book is sliding away from the public landscape and if you don’t build it in your life before you’re 18 it will be very difficult to do so later and you’ll lose out on one of the greatest pleasures in life. When I was 18, the book that left the deepest impact on me was Roots; it still occupies its special place on the bookshelf on my mind.

2-Stay awake for 3 days working on something!

You will have the energy and the passion to drive you to do so and both will be much less available as you get older and “wiser” and things that will give you such a drive become more and more rare.

You stay awake on excitement and enthusiasm alone and by the end when your energy has finally been consumed you look at the fruit of your labour, let it be the last page on a book or the last touch on an essay and you’re filled with an overwhelming sense of achievement. Your achievement maybe only such a climax in your own mind, most people will tell you that you can’t really do something of substance before you’re 18 but then the eagerness of youth and the pride of a young mind cannot be suppressed by anyone and no one can convince you that what you’ve done isn’t a wonderful achievement. You have such high spirit and too much faith in yourself to allow that to happen, something much harder later in life.

3-Be there for someone,

When you’re 18, you’re in a gray area between adolescence and adulthood; it is during then that people are not sure of which side you’re on. During that time, the first time you get beyond the selfishness that marks us as children and teenagers and someone turns to you for help and you’re there for them that what marks your life in the years to come. If you never do that before you’re 18, you’ll find it more and more difficult to do when you’re older and the demands of life and more and more with every passing day. I remember the day that this happened with me as if it was yesterday, and I know that it has shaped me into the person I’m today.

4-Travel

The second your feet land on foreign soil you feel the possibilities open up in front of you. It’s amazing, how the narrow comfortable world you know, the casual and the mundane that one slips into in his or her own day to day surrounding dissolves when this new world stretches in front of you.

Before you’re 18, you have to know that the world is so much bigger and the possibilities on where you can be in this world are endless. Expand your horizon as much as possible before you’re 18 and you start being afraid of how big the outside is. Before you’re 18 the world is an adventure, the more you take in from this adventure the more you can expand into it afterwards.

5-Put a list of 6 things you want to do by the time you're 30!

It’s funny that just before Syrian Brit tagged me to do this blog, I was sketching the outline for a blog about the different lists we all have, that outline was lost when my blackberry crashed and I never returned to it! Nonetheless, one of the lists I thought of was the list we all put together when we’re younger and just coming out to the world.

Every 18 year old should have already put a list of things to achieve before they’re 30. The faith of an 18 year old will allow them to be bold and creative, they’re ambition is still in full force and the knock backs that life hands them are still too weak to cause damage. At 18, one can take on the world and that’s what one should aim for.

When you’re 30, although you haven’t done the things on your list, it did help in pushing you up and forward. Your list is your own, you don’t have to share it, and the advice is not to do so. This is your own Mount Everest that you will challenge yourself to climb it the following 12 years. Why 30? Well, I’m 29 now and my Mount Everest has changed a lot from how it was at 18 but it remains as challenging as it used to be then.

6- Fall in love

I know that this has been mentioned before in different ways and by many people but I don’t think any list can be completed without it. Before you’re 18, your notion of love is that what you read in books and see on screen, a view that is, in 99 cases out of a 100, skewed at best and totally distorted at worst. The distinction between love, sexual drive and friendship is very vague at that time and it’s so easy to think that any one of the latter two is love. Fall in love before you’re 18 and you’ll get your heart broken, you’ll feel the hurt and ache but you’ll become much wiser. Take your first step towards really falling in love; you’ll learn the difference between infatuation and love, between friendship and love and between desire and love. This is a lesson that you have to start learning before your 18 and carry on learning through out the following years. It is only when you have passed your finals that you can truly know the meaning of falling in love.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Shakespeare's Sonnet 116

Years on, you're still the one...

When I first saw you, I saw love.
And the first time you touched me, I felt love.
And after all this time, you're still the one I love.

Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday

Bridge:
They said, I bet they'll never make it
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

Chorus:
(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

Ain't nothin' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didn't listen
Look at what we would be missin'

Bridge:
They said, I bet they'll never make it
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

Chorus:
(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

Chorus:
(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

I'm so glad we made it
Look how far we've come my baby

The book thief

I have a confession to make, I’m an addict!

I’m seriously addicted to reading. Since I was young, my parents had to live with me reading in bed, under the covers, laying on the couch face down with the book on the floor or turning from one side to the other trying to rest my arms during a marathon reading session when I was hooked to some book. For me books were an unlimited source for knowledge and food for the imagination, I never had a certain book type that I go for, I read everything and anything and in spite of the advances in the technology, I’m a die hard fan of the physical book. It’s like a life long relationship, replacing a book with an e-book is kind of unfaithful in my mind, it’s like replacing a wife with a mistress!

Coming over to this country and being busy with my study, and later my work, my addiction didn’t subsided. In the country of “3 for 2” and “buy 1 get 1 free” the temptation of Boarders, WHSmith and Amazon was too great to resist. Even before I knew that I’ll be settling in this country, my largest position was soon books (a couple of large boxes by the end of my masters year) and now, having a house to myself, I’m starting to struggle with finding enough space for my books!

When I walk to a bookshop, I’m rarely looking for a specific book, I window shop at book stores and enjoy experimenting with the books I buy, some of the best books I read were ones I bought on a spree rather than intently. One of these books was “The Book Thief”

Some books are moving, some hit a soft spot within you, some are blatantly asking for an emotional involvement from the reader and some are too cheesy it’s a bit too much for my taste, The Book Thief is not one of those! It’s in a whole new level of its own.

The story is about a little girl in Nazi Germany who escapes the madness of the world around her into the world of the books she read. The books that she steels for the snow, the fire and the authority. In a country that was demonised, brain washed and massacred by words, the book thief have used words to heal wounds, help people and keep some sanity in a mad time. the book talks about Liesel’s life from 1939 when she was 8 till 1943 when she was almost 13. the story is narrated by Death, he has been so busy during that time, trying to race around and catch up with the extra workload of the time but is, at the same time, fascinated with humans who are capable of such ugliness and such beauty all at once.

Reading the book for me was like falling in love, you start with curiosity than familiarity, during which I was still able to restrain myself to reading just during my morning commute, then, without realising how, you’re so attached you’re left breathless with the beauty of the words and the story behind them. I was hocked so that having to close the book when I get to work was getting increasingly difficult. I tried the discipline of reading one chapter a day but every time I close the book it would plead to me to come back again and again and again.

Throughout the book, the narrator will make mental stops, explaining something, pointing out something or giving a glimpse of things to come. These mental stops were not intrusive, they were set out in the book in a non-disruptive way; it was like driving a wonderful picturesque road and with the grand scenery you’ll come across a beautiful rose bush on the side of the road, it doesn’t distract you from the beauty around but supplements an extra dosage of charm to your trip.
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"First the Colors, then the humans.

That's usually how I see things.

Or at least how I try"

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“the girl knew from the onset that he’d always appear mid-scream, and he would not leave.

šA Definition Not Found in The Dictionary›

Not-Leaving: An act of trust and love, often deciphered by children.”

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"A Small Piece of truth:
I do not carry a sickle or scythe. I only wear a hooded black robe when it’s cold.

And I don’t have those skull-like facial features that you seem to enjoy pinning on me from a distance. You want to know what I truly look like?

I’ll help you out. Find yourself a mirror while I continue.”

-----------------------------------------

“Five hundred souls.

I carried them in my fingers, like suitcases. Or I’d throw them over my shoulder. It was only the children I carried in my arms.”

-----------------------------------------

“she didn’t dare to look up, but she could feel their frightened eyes hanging on to her as she hauled the words in and breathed them out. A voice played the notes inside her. This, it said, if your accordion.

The sound of the turning page carved them in half. Liesel read on.”

-----------------------------------------

The story flows like a summer dream even with the horrors that it carried. You would feel the grip on your heart when you read the recount of death’s visit to Liesel’s friend, you can see, even without closing your eyes, the destruction as the world around her fell to pieces and she remained there among the rubble of a shattered life, you will not hold your tears back as she lets hers flow for the ones she love. By the end of the book, Liesel will be part of you and the loss, the joy, the highs and the words will belong to you as much as they belonged to the words shaker.

The moment I closed the book I felt the urge to turn back to the front page and read it again, this time slower, taste the lines again. I wanted to read it with a mental camera to capture the most beautiful of scenes as if selecting one was something possible. I still have the book by my side, like a love affair, you can never walk away completely and you will revisit what happened again and again.

If you have the time, read this book, if you don’t have the time, try to spare some moments for it, it’s so much worth it.

The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak, first published in Australia in 2005.

Another day, Another year...

So, another day and another year has gone by, like most (if not all) people on the planet we square our positions, do our yearly inventory, tally up all the books and pass a judgment on whether the year that passed was a good year or a bad one!

And like most, it’s always somewhere in between, the year had its highs and lows and on average we end the year roughly where we started or, if lucky enough, a bit happier, more satisfied or well off.

So what was 2007 for me? Another step towards the big 30 which seems so much closer nowadays; not sure what the judgment of the first 30 years will be, I leave that to the wiser/older crowd to suggest and to me at 31 to decide!

2007 witnessed a gigantic step in my personal life, a lucky, or unlucky depending on how you see it, man has decided that I’m a suitable partner to spend his life with believe it or not. He has popped the question 2 years ago now but the whole family/formality side of things came into existence at super speed earlier this year. Over our 2 and ½ years relationship, we’ve driven each other mad, up the wall, into success and towards better, brighter places in life. We’ve shared so much and learned so much about each other and more importantly about ourselves. Words like love, passion, friendship, care and happiness were redefined in 2007 and I can only hope that this trend will carry through in 2008 and beyond.

Career wise, I’ve now spent more than a year at my current position after finishing my rotation, I’ve crossed swords with a few, argued with a few and stepped on a lot of toes over this period but no matter how horrible the day goes, I wake up most of the times looking forward to arriving at the office. I enjoy what I do immensely and although when I started this road in 2004 I was heading in a completely different direction, God/fate/destiny had a different idea and I ended up at a much more exciting, and unexpected, place. It can be mad at the office sometimes but it can never be boring!

I can’t believe that I’ve lived in this country since 2003! It feels so long and so short at the same time! The days when I was living and working in Damascus are ancient history in a way but I can fully remember the “me” that was then! It seems a life time away but I can see it so clearly as if locked in a glass box that is the old me. Have I become a wiser, better person since I came to this country? I have no idea to tell you the truth, living in London is now such a part of me it’s hard to imagine living in any other place. I remember telling a fellow Londoner/blogger before that I love the city with all its contradictions and sides. For me Damascus carries my past, family, roots but London is the sky I’m expanding my branches into. I appreciate the freedom it offer and the challenges it carries and I think I still have a few more “London years” in me yet.

What do I have in store for 2008? I was reading Abufares’ blog today about New Year’s Eve over the year, and if not anything else, it simply shows you that a new year can carry you anywhere and while you try to plan a year ahead you never know where the wind will throw you in the year to come. Where will I be on New Year’s Eve 2008? I don’t have a clue, I just hope that I’ll be spending it with the people I love and share the tallying with them then.

I hope 2008 will add to me as much as 2007 has and for it to be a happier one for the people I know that all of you dear readers.

Happy 2008!

Mothers & Daughters

I'm not talking about mothers & daughters actually but rather about mothers in law & daughters in law!
There are enough comic references about the relationship between the two to fill volumes & enough drama for 30 Ramadan series but neither comedy nor drama is what I'm writing about, it is a simple fact that a lot over look, they both share the same, deeply routed, love to the same man...

The fact that escapes a lot of people is that this is not a love which can be subject to jealousy, the differences, the reasoning and the motives are so profoundly different between the two that you can never compete, not to mention compare, for that love.

A friend of mine once told me, "How can I not adore, to say the least, the woman that shaped the person I love to the man that he is today?" That was a food for thoughts, how many of us today think of the person that we're with as the product of some seriously hard work by his parents; at least a big portion of him/her to say the least? Temporary blindness of where this person came from is unbelievable common among people stepping into a new relationship! It is more obvious with the women because they are more obsessed (forgive me ladies for the use of the word but I’m including myself here) with claiming credit for their sons’ and husbands’ achievements in life and that is where the Mother in Law and the Daughter in Law come face to face, seeking the position of the great woman behind the great man!

My friend talked about that as well, she simple stated an obvious which we can miss so easily "she has his past, I have his future, she made him the man he is today and I will shape the man he will be tomorrow, we complete each other's work as we complete each other's happiness"

I'm not that confidant, I hope that I can add to the happiness of a beloved one and his family. It is a bit of a challenge, trying to complete a puzzle that you only play a small role in but still, it is so rewarding being received with open arms and open hearts by people who are not tied to you in any way other than the shared love to one man. Because of that I think that my mother in law is a great person! She somehow misses my obvious flaws and my strange moods and always greats me with the brightest of hellos and sweetest of compliments. I haven’t spent a lot of time with her, but I know that we sometimes share a look of happiness, love and pride of the one we love; now that he’s away, I take comfort in talking to her as she does talking to me.

I wonder if all mothers in law are like that, and if so why the comedy and drama? Maybe I’m lucky, or maybe it’s not as interesting without the theatrical additions! What do you think?

Lots of talk about nothing...

I try to write as a way to occupy my mind but every time I try I’m just drawn back to the same subject, I’m always drawn back to a centre point in this space called my life, I’m pulled back to him!

Every word I’ve written was for his eyes more than anyone else’s, I know that this may sound ungrateful to all the friends who read this blog but I cannot lie nor do I want to, he untied my hands to start writing again after so many years of staying away from writing and I know that his eyes were always there to read, appreciate, correct and comment with the honesty that has been the corner stone of our relationship..

Now, he’s been away for days so long, and will stay away for weeks that carry in its days the cold icy grip of loneliness and sadness of the soul before the aching of the heart.

I’m writing away my heartache for the million little things that I miss telling him of, of the few big things that I’m used to sharing with him for so long. I write and for the first time my words are carried through a virtual space to a prolonged empty void that stretches before me before his return.

He joked before he left telling me to enjoy my time of freedom away from him, that this will be the last “holiday” that I will have of him before a lifetime of being together but how this holiday feels like a long, never ending night.

It’s cold, brutal and harsh to ask someone to live without a heart for so long, the pain is overpowering and the imbalance is dizzying.

I know that I sound to your, dear friends still reading these words, like a silly teenager whining for no good reason! Trust me, until last week I was, like what everyone around me thought, a strong independent person; alas, my balance was shaken by the lack of a voice over the phone that wished me good morning and good night for the past few years, my solidity has been weakened by the awareness that I can’t just turn to him if I needed to. It’s not living my life through him, it’s gaining strength from the knowledge that he’s there.

The silly child that turned a strong woman in the past 4 years has uncovered the truth of how much one person means to her. Strange, I knew how important he is to me but I never imagined the extent to be that far reaching…

Forgive my outpour dear reader, I needed a place to scream and this void seemed the best of places, an echo will reach him one day and I’ll be pulled back from the cold to the worm life again, till then I rest my head on a cold empty pillow that still holds his scent and wait for a tomorrow that seems a lifetime away…